One cannot serve two masters

I have been thinking a lot about money lately. I’m a pretty frugal person in general (we aren’t cheap, right Sam…we are frugal!) I suppose I’m thinking more about money as I consider where I want to travel in these last 9 months in Indonesia. Unfortunately, my bank account has run low. Even though a plane ticket can be as low as $13 one-way (unfortunately, I booked said $13 flight too early in June 2014 so I will have to cancel it), when you jalan-jalan (travel) all the time like I do, your money is cepat habis (quickly gone!)

I’ve been very lucky here in Indonesia. I have travelled to Sumatra, Gili Trawangan, and Lombok in Indonesia; Singapore; Australia; and for Christmas 2013 I will travel to Malaysia. I have travelled within Java as well, namely to Mount Bromo, Jakarta, Jogjakarta, and Mount Semeru. I have loved each of these very unique experiences. But after Malaysia, that’s it. That’s my last big trip until the influx of Peace Corps resettling allowance in June 2014.

Travelling in Australia

I can’t complain one bit about all this travelling. It has been amazing. And I’m not soliciting any of you for money, let me make that clear! (Mom and Dad already gave me an early Christmas present, my ticket to Singapore! Remember the days of Barbies and Hot Wheels for Christmas presents? Man, have your kids gotten expensive!) The point of me writing about money is for me to reflect on how I do or don’t responsibly use money, and why it matters.

Using money responsibly

That is a hard thing to talk about. People each have such a different understanding of what it means to use money responsibly. In college, that meant saving my money to pay for each trimester at a very expensive school. Post college, that meant saving my money to pay rent and food. In Indonesia, the meaning has changed. I save my money purely for travel. Is that financially responsible? I haven’t saved anything for post-Peace Corps life. But my rationale is that I am given a couple thousand dollars from Peace Corps when I am done serving. That can be “responsibly used” to start paying college loans and buy a car, so why not just spend the few hundred dollars I have now??

Is that self-serving? This is a heart-breaking question for me to consider. I love travelling and exploring probably more than I love anything else (except for the people I love, of course). Do I have to give it up? While some will argue that all the travelling I do allows me to learn about the world and the people in it, when is enough enough? Do I need to travel to 20 countries? 100 countries? Did one suffice? Yes, I have learned so much about myself and my calling in this world by travelling. To Indonesia. I didn’t need to travel to Sumatra or Singapore to learn about myself. I got answers right here in Jombang, East Java. So why travel to Australia and Malaysia, too. Why not save that money?

More importantly, why not give that money to someone who needs it? Why not give it to yayasans (orphanages) or NGOs? I have neighbors who would love $100. They might make that much money in a whole year. Rather than go to Malaysia for Christmas, I could give 4 neighbors $50 each to ensure that they have enough to eat for months. They could actually go to the dentist when their teeth hurt instead of massaging their jaws with oil. They could pay for better health care or education for their children.  

Giving “stuff” in Indonesia

So do I run around giving money to neighbors? No, I don’t. I rationalize that they would not accept a large amount of money because of their humility. But really, my sample size of such humility is one, Anik. Here’s the background on this humility theory.

Anik and her son, Fadhil

I got a new camera from Carla in the US (thanks, again, Carla!) so I gave my old camera to my friend, Anik. She was reluctant to take it, saying that she was malu. (This translates as shy, ashamed or embarrassed. Unfortunately, I don’t know which malu she meant.) From what I could read, she was shy to take it because of what neighbors might see if they saw her using it. They know that she didn’t buy it herself. They may be jealous or gossip about her for receiving something like a nice camera.

Sure enough, my host family asked where my old camera went. I told them I gave it to Anik. A day later, other neighbors were confirming. “You gave your camera to Anik?” Yes, yes I did. A few asked why. (Probably wondering what Anik did to get that from Miss Sarah.) The answer is that Anik is my good friend and she will not anytime in at least the next 5 years be able to afford a camera. My other friends and many of my neighbors could save within a few months to buy one.

Then they ask the question that makes me want to scream. “Oh, you pity her, yeah?” In my mind, the word “pity” makes a person seem “pathetic.” Both these words have very negative connotations for me. I don’t pity Anik. I recognize that she is poor. I recognize that she is a beautiful, young woman with such a good heart. I recognize that she works harder than most women in this entire community, sorting recycled goods at the dump (making $2 a day) or cutting sandal straps (making 70 cents a day for at least 5 hours of work). I just wanted to give her something. I want her to see herself as I see her, so amazing. All this would certainly embarrass Anik if I gave neighbors this speech, so instead I just say, no, I don’t pity her. She has a young baby and I want her to be able to take pictures of him whenever she wants.

So, giving can be tricky in my village in Indonesia. The neighbors always know what I am giving, when I am giving it, the price of what I am giving and to whom I am giving. Because the politics of this giving are so socially and emotionally stressful, I tend to avoid it all together. I admit this is not the best answer to giving, but I haven’t found a less-stressful solution.

When I leave Indonesia, I have a lot of clothes and a valuable mosquito net to give away. I want to give the mosquito net to Anik, too. The issue is getting it there. Once it’s in her house, no one will see it; it’ll be in her room. But how do I get it there without all my neighbors seeing? Smuggle it in the middle of the night? Ridiculous. Well, I have 9 months to figure that out.

Pulling a “Jonathan”

As for clothes, my wise volunteer friend Jonathan (who recently finished his service) said this. “When I leave, I’m gonna put all my stuff that I don’t want in a box in my garage. Then I will say to my neighbors, ‘Goodbye, thank you so much for everything, and by the way, feel free to take any of the stuff in the box in my garage.’ And then I will hop into the car and leave.” (Obviously, I’m paraphrasing. But Jonathan also has a flair for the dramatics, so this paraphrase is pretty accurate!)

I replied, “Man, that’s a great idea. Maybe I will do that too, but rather than tell them the box is there, I will put it there and just text them about it once I’m out of the community.”

The rationale behind this is that it is very uncomfortable to give my stuff away. You have to pick the people. You have to go to their house with a bag (which I usually don’t carry, so for sure people will ask me what I have). You give it to them. Then other neighbors see the person wearing or using said object and “confirm” with me that I gave person x/y/z blah blah blah, didn’t you?  It’s all so socially political and I hate that.  There’s also the odd feeling of giving away my “old stuff” that I don't think is valuable anymore.

Another rationale for the box in the garage is this. When I come home from trips and bring my neighbors snacks, I am not lying when I say that it is ripped out of my hands and I’m pushed around. Obviously not everyone in Indonesia and not everyone in my village is like this. Most people are very calm and say thank you. Givine them gifts is very “normal” by my American culture. It’s only one specific group of my neighbors that go nuts, and it’s soooo uncomfortable. It’s like I'm being attacked by children AND adults for a piece of candy. So when Mom and Dad came and brought candy, I basically threw it at one of the moms so that she’d be attacked instead of me. And she was. But at least she could deal with it. So basically, I don’t want to be attacked when this group of neighbors descends on my clothes.

A final reason I’d love to just stick my clothes in a box and jump in the car is that I don’t want to see people pick up my shirts and exclaim how gedeh, aka HUGE, my clothes are. I don’t need to be called huge any more than I already am. And gosh forbid it be the last thing I hear from my neighbors, too. So forget that, I’m putting the box in the garage.

Giving money

Okay, back to a more intellectual analysis of giving. “Stuff” has been covered. What about money?

Seeing as I have lots of time on my hands here, I have been pretty good about reading the Bible. I just finished reading the whole New Testament…it only took 14 months to read! Slow and steady wins the race.  Anyways, lately when I think about hoarding my money for travel I think a lot about this:

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.”  Matthew 6:24

I am at the point where I am starting to feel that I am serving money, not God. I think so much about how to stretch my money and time across the trips I want to take in the next 9 months. And because I feel so guilty about it, I know that I am in the wrong.

Remember this Biblical story? 

Mark chapter 12 

41 Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. 42 But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents.

43 Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. 44 They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”

The woman’s offering was way more pleasing to God. Why? Because she gave all she had to God, trusting that God would take care of her. I can learn a lot about giving from the poor woman. Right now I rationalize giving like a rich person does. I’ll give this much, God, because that’s all that’s left in my wallet after setting aside the money for my trip to Malaysia. I’ll give what I want to give, not give as much as I can actually give.

Nowadays, the standard sum for Christians to tithe is 10%. Click here for information! As I make $200 USD a month, I try to give to my churches here in Jombang (a Catholic church and  Pentecostal church, but that’s another whole story…) when I attend every 2 weeks or so. But by no means do my offerings amount to the full $20 that they should. In a good month, maybe I’ll hit $10.

So lately, I’ve been thinking about giving money. Do I give enough? Is 10% really all I need to give? In light of Syria and the mess there, I’ve been thinking about giving to NGOs that are serving people abroad. I am a person skeptical of just giving to anything because how do we know if it’s being used well? So I prefer to give of my time, like, say, moving to Indonesia for two years. Though it has crossed my mind that I could move to Jordan in June and help Syrian refugees there, what they really need is shelter and food and safety. The priority right now is not an English teacher. But because I don’t speak Arabic, because Mom probably wouldn’t love me moving to Jordan, and because I don't want to be the token white person who is always stared at, I will not be moving to Jordan. But the point is, how can I responsibly give to a world in need?

I know that the US has lots of its own issues and poverty, but the fact is, American poverty is not the kind of life-threatening poverty people in other countries face. In my larger community in Indonesia, I have really not seen any life-threatening poverty. There is a very small percentage of people, usually older or physically disabled, that ask for money in bigger cities, and I’d estimate over 50% of people here always give money to them every time they are asked. While they may only give a few cents, I’d venture to say that that sum quickly adds up.

Life-threatening poverty continues to plague an alarmingly large population of the world. Just look at the United Nation’s Millennium Development Goals. Set in 1990, the 25 years allotted to halving poverty are up in 2015. Have the goals been reached? While it’s great that the UN and its partners have made “significant progress” on many of the goals, that means that they only halved poverty. Maybe 200,000 million more people are being fed in 2012 than in 1990, but 850,000+ million people are still hungry every day.

From the Millenium Development Goals Report 2013

Because I am not a doctor, because I do not want to live abroad again anytime soon (that takes some kind of crazy, Daniel, Paige, Frieda, Carrie) and because my passion is education, I will not be moving to any other country to work with the UN or an NGO. So that limits my participation in said NGOs to raising awareness in the US, protesting, putting pressure on politicians (I’m convinced that if I was in the US right now, I’d seriously be looking for ways to join and/or start a protest about the US airstrike against Syria), or giving money. I’d guess that most Americans give money because it’s easy and as long as the organization is credible, why not sponsor them? But because of who I am, I want to give my time and sweat. Oh, Indonesia has received so much of my sweat!

Conclusions

This blog post is unsatisfying in that I am talking in circles and have no real conclusions for myself or for you. The point, I suppose, is this. I am looking for small ways to give back to my community. When Bu Likah gives me an egg or rice or other food to take home, I need to step up and reciprocate more. I have way more money than she does. And I can’t give Christians and/or Americans a bad name. I gotta be penuh kasih. What I want to say is that I want be full of giving/affection/loving others. It sounds weird in English. Penuh kasih.

Bu Khofso is one of my most giving neighbors

Bu Tin works her buns off at the school's canteen. Because I paid for her fare once at the pool, she doesn't want to pay for some of my canteen lunches. I literally have to shove my money in her pocket and run away!

As for trips, am I guilty that I have been all over Indonesia and some of my neighbors have barely been 2 hours away by motorcycle? Yes, I am very guilty of this. Do I want to give it up? Selfishly, no. Again, trying to serve two masters. Jesus told that rich guy, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in Heaven. Then come, follow me. (Matt 19:21). No gets rid of their stuff better than my sister, Lizzie. I don’t know that she covets one darn material thing. I truly admire her for that. Some of the 12 apostles literally dropped their fishing nets in the middle of their day’s work (Matt 4:18-22), left their homes and followed Jesus. How can I drop my money and give up my idol of travelling to truly serve as God calls me to do?

If I’m not mistaken, it was Martine, a fellow volunteer, who reminded us to consider the financial strain it puts on people in our community whenever we are given something. Whether it be an invitation to eat at someone’s house or snacks from a fellow teacher or being sent home from a neighbor’s house with a bag of peanuts, that person made a financial sacrifice to give me that stuff. Most people in my village, truthfully speaking, can spare those small, $1 snacks to give me. They have nice homes that may have taken years to decorate, but their house is nice. They have motorcycles that cost, minimally, about $1,500 USD. They have cell phones that are not cheap. They use a lot of electricity watching TV. I don't think I’ve been in any home yet that doesn’t have at least one TV. Despite all this, I have learned to appreciate the little things that people give me so much more. So thank you, Martine! I am learning (albeit very slowly) to pay it forward.

The snacks with which I am often sent home.

So, which do you serve? I'm working to serve the former.

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.”  Matthew 6:24

Give back to Caesar what is Caesar's [the money for tax] and to God what is God's. Matt 22:21