I’m sitting here at the Minneapolis Airport, waiting to board a flight to Madison. For the last five days, the only way to describe my feelings has been exhaustion and a sort of emptiness. I’m spent physically, mentally and emotionally. It still hasn’t hit me that I’m done. I left Indonesia. And I don't know when I’m coming back. I’m in a sort of daze.
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| It's official, we are Returned PCVs! |
At the five airports whose presence I've graced in the last 2 days, I’m confused. Should I eat a little more
Indonesian food? Or have Western food?
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| Tammy and I opted for mie ayam at a local lima kaki warung on one of our last days. |
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| But these pancakes happened, too! |
Do I wear long sleeves because it’s respectful? Or because
I'm really, really cold in the air conditioning?
Can I drink the water from the drinking fountain?
I can’t text anyone, because I have no working phone.
What money do I use here? Do I use my ATM card or change
paper money?
Do I first update my American FB about where I am? Or do I
immediately enter my Indonesian account first?
Why don’t I feel more joy?
******
One of the volunteers said that goodbyes are hard, but it means there was a real, loving friendship to begin with. You can't be sad to leave if you have nothing to leave behind. Here's a few of my goodbyes.
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| Candi Brahu goodbyes with X-1, IPA, and Agama students |
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| Oh, ladies! |
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| Neighbor goodbyes |
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| Bu Khofso and Pak Djalil's family goodbyes |
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| My host family's goodbyes |
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| Last night out on the town square of Mojoagung with all my best friends. |
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Udik, Rois and Rosi...helping me pack or creating distractions?!
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I said goodbye to my village on Sunday and was driven to my
hotel in Surabaya by 3 cars. There, I said goodbye to 20 of my best friends,
co-workers, and family members. There were a lot of tears on both sides,
complete with photos of my tears. (They've been waiting 2 years to see me
cry…well, I gave them the works!)
I’m coming home with so much more than I expected…one of the
biggest surprises being 10 pounds of extra fat from the excess rice I ate every
day!
I was gifted: mugs, a doll, a photo frame, 3 purses, 1
wallet, a make up bag, a lot of Indonesian snacks (onde-onde, kripik tempe,
krupuk tahu, kacang telor), 1 kg of un-fried krupuk, 2 kg of nasi pecel sauce,
6 kg of Wonosalam coffee, batik, a man’s shirt (because my body is “so big,”
the gifter was concerned I’d never fit in a lady’s shirt), 2 mortar and pestles
to grind spices, 2 small, beautiful table clothes, one large reception hall
table cloth (that didn’t make it home), 2 sets of bed sheets, a watch, and
perhaps the most symbolic, an American flag hairpin, which I promptly shoved in
my hair yesterday upon departure!
Seriously speaking, however, I never thought that I’d have
made such best friends. Friends that I know will last a lifetime and span the
continents. To Nurul, Faik, Bu Umi and Bu Lilik, you have supported, loved, and
fed me for 2 years. You have made me into a better person than who I was when I
arrived in Indonesia.
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| The women to whom I centered my work life for two years: Bu Lilik and Bu Umi. |
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| Lilik, Faik, and their parents |
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| I was so thankful Indah gave birth to her baby days before I left so that I could meet the beautiful girl! |
I learned to hold my tongue.
I learned that some questions are just space fillers and the
amount of effort it takes to make the question clear in another language just
isn’t worth asking. Some things will remain a mystery…such as, what is the new
English curriculum???
: )
I have learned that things aren’t always as they first seem.
I have taught that to a lot of volunteers, too, who took me for a religious,
conservative person at first. Those who got to know me learned that practicing
Christians are not necessarily close-minded. I hope I represented my faith
well!
I never thought that I would date such a great Indonesian guy,
Vallen. Unfortunately, we only met 2 months before I left. That was also a very
tearful goodbye.
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| Not our kid, I promise! |
While most of the time I complained to those back home about
Indonesia, the truth is that Indonesia and I have a very love/hate
relationship. I’m mad that rice makes me fat, but I love the rice dishes. I
have never been more frustrated than with my naughty boy students, but when
they smile at me the next day, all is forgiven. I hate when my friend tells me
her stereotypes about America, but then I remember how I complain about
“Indonesia, Indonesia” almost every day to her. It’s a give and take, and I
certainly took more than I gave.
That being said, here is the speech I gave at my school at
the last flag ceremony.
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| I'm giving a speech?? |
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| In front of class ten, eleven, and the teachers. About 220 people! |
Assalamu'alaikum
Saya masih ingat
pertama kali saya sampai MAN Mojoagung. Kata Aba Rusdi, saya akan bertemu guru
guru saja. Tetapi saya turun dari mobil dan semua murid dan semua guru menunggu
saya di lapangan. Saya di ajak memperkenalkan diri. Saya pakai baju
professional dari amerika. Saya belum lancar Bahasa Indonesia. Saya putih
sekali. Takut saya! Tetapi saya ngomong sedikit.
Sekarang ini, saya di
ajak maju lagi. Tetapi tahun ini agak berbeda. Saya pakai seragam guru
indonesia. Saya tambah gemuk karena selama dua tahun, saya di paksa makan nasi
terus! Saya…tetap putih! Kulo sampun saget basa jawa sekidit2 mawon.
Tetapi sekarang saya
tidak berdiri de depan orang asing yang saya tidak kenal. Saya berdiri de depan
keluarga ku di Indonesia.
Selama dua tahun ini,
saya diberi jauh lebih banyak daripada saya memberi.
Saya belajar lebih
banyak daripada saya mengajar.
Saya dimaafkan lebih
sering daripada saya memaafkan orang lain.
Saya diperhatikan dan
dihormati jauh lebih banyak daripada saya memperhatikan dan menghormati orang
lain.
Saya difotoin jauh
jauh jauh lebih sering daripada saya minta memfoto!
Walaupun saya masih mempunyai
banyak kekurangan, saya akan pulang ke amerika serikat minggu depan sebagai
sesorang wanita lebih sabar dan lebih penuh kasih.
Atas pemberian anda
semua kepada saya, saya ucapkan terima kasih dari hati saya yang terdalam.
Saya mohon maaf atas
semua kesalahan dan kekurangan yang saya lakukan selama dua tahun ini. Saya
tidak bisa lupa MAN Mojoagung, setiap guru, setiap murid, setiap hari yang
panas banget! Thank you so much, everyone. Sampai jumpa di Amerika ya??
Assalamu'alaikum
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| Bye, class X-1! |
English translation:
Assalamu'alaikum
I still remember the first time I came to MAN Mojoagung. Aba
Rusdi said that I would only meet the teachers. But when I got out of the car,
all the teachers and all the students were waiting for me in the schoolyard. I
was asked to introduce myself. I was wearing professional American clothing. I
was not yet fluent in Indonesian. I was so white! I was scared. But I said
hello.
Today, I’ve been asked to come forward again. But this year
is different. I am wearing an Indonesian teacher’s uniform. I am fatter because
for two years, I’ve been forced to eat rice all the time! I am…still white! (in Javanese) I can speak Javanese just a
little. [everyone cheered!]
But now I don’t stand in front of strangers. I stand in
front of my Indonesian family.
For two years, I was given so much more than I gave.
I learned more than I taught.
I was forgiven more often than I forgave others.
I was cared for and was respected much more than I cared for
and respected others.
My photo was taken way more often than I asked to take
photos!
Though I still have many shortcomings, I will go back to the
USA next week as a more patient woman who is full of love.
For all the things you gave me, I say thank you from the
bottom of my heart.
I ask for forgiveness for all my mistakes and shortcomings
that I have done in the last two years. I cannot forget MAN Mojoagung; every
student, every teacher, every very hot day! Thank you so much, everyone. See
you in America, yeah??
Assalamu'alaikum
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| Getting congrats on my speech from the teachers |
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| Every student salim-ing me to show respect. |
*****
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| Goodbye, Indonesia! |
