11th Hour Thoughts

I leave my village in 9 days. I fly to the USA in 12 days. It's almost impossible to believe, but 2 years and 2 1/2 months have come and gone. Here are some of the thoughts that I've been having in the last few weeks.

On the road to Batu, Malang...I thank God that our large bus did not tip off the edge. This picture is from the internet. There were actually small guard rails, too. What will it be like to drive on safe roads in the USA? 

I went to the new Museum Angkut in Batu with my friend Wiwit and then my school 4 days later. When I got to the old time America street display, I felt so at home. I cried on my friend's shoulder later that week. What will it feel like to be on a clean street? One where I'm not stared at, but feel like I belong? 

 This sign from Eco Green Park in Batu reads, "My body is white so my heart is definitely clean." What will it be like to go back to a place where being white means unnoticed privilege? 

On the flip side, the people at the museum checked my purse for a camera because you have to pay extra money to use a camera. They made me check it at the door since I refused to pay. They didn't check any of the other teachers' bags because they are all Indonesian...

I saw this wall-sized print out in the museum at Eco Green Park and I was dismayed that no one around me stopped to read it. It reads:

What do you see?
What do you feel?
Can you feel what they feel?
Whose fault is it?
Is this caused by us?
Are we responsible? 

Am I running away from my calling to work internationally simply because it's been hard? Who am I responsible to help? 

Indonesians have made me think more about getting married than ever before. I have taken a particular liking to Indonesian pop songs that feature themes of love. Pictured above is my favorite Indonesian singer, Judika, runner up of Indonesian Idol Season 2. My favorite band is called Ungu (formerly called Peterpan, pre-sex tape scandal). But not to worry, despite the scandal and name change, their followers remained faithful! You can also see evidence below of my interest in songs with Arabic lyrics. Will Americans think my new taste in music is weird or perhaps that I'm showing off because I understand Indonesian music lyrics?


Here are a few of my current favorite songs:

Sampai Akhir by Judika and his wife, Duma Riris

Semua Tentang Kita by Peterpan (new band name is Ungu)

Sayang by Ungu

Kupinang Kau Dengan Bismillah by Ungu and Rossa

Mama Papa Larang by Judika

Dirimu Satu by Ungu

Insha Allah by Maher Zain

 The other day my Christian friends dropped me off and said, "Pray before you get out of the car!" I didn't know what to say in Bahasa Indonesia or what Christians say, so I answered, "Bismillah!" That is Arabic for "In the name of God (most gracious and holy)." How do Indonesian Muslims really feel when I use religious Arabic words? 

People here love to talk about how big and fat I am. What will it like to finally be accepted for who I am and feel normal-sized again? This acceptance and anonymity is what I've longed for most for the last two years. 

My 11th grade students had presentations last week. They wrote plays and then had to memorize and perform them. Costumes and props, too. Another volunteer had such a great experience doing this that I was encouraged to try it, despite doubting my students' abilities. Turns out I was right to doubt. Are my standards too high, or are my students truly low-performing because they come from the village? Do they perform at such a low level because their teachers set low expectations?